


baby i'm your man

by 1000_directions



Category: Hawkeye (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Amputee Bucky Barnes, Body Dysphoria, Charity Hawktion (Marvel) 2020, Established Relationship, M/M, Protective Clint Barton, Trans Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:54:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28255764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1000_directions/pseuds/1000_directions
Summary: “Do you wanna stay over?” Clint murmurs, running his thumb along the shell of Bucky’s ear.“Iwantto,” Bucky says hesitantly, and Clint gets it. They’re not ready for that yet. Bucky’s not ready to be that vulnerable yet. He probably shouldn’t have even asked, but he just wants Bucky to know he’s all in, that whenever Bucky is ready to take a step forward, Clint is, too.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Clint Barton
Comments: 19
Kudos: 111
Collections: Charity Hawktion 2020





	baby i'm your man

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kangofu_CB](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kangofu_CB/gifts).



> this is for CB, who wanted a sequel to [birthday boy](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18064274). i'm still planning to check in on these boys twice more :)
> 
> as always, as a cis woman writing a trans masc character, i do my best to be respectful and thoughtful when writing about an identity not my own. all the initial brainstorming for this story was done with my dearest best angel, and sara helped me work through a plot point that had me stuck. i am so grateful to both of them, but i'm solely responsible for the final form of this fic.

They have to go at Bucky’s pace.

Clint _knows_ that. It gets a little frustrating at times, like when Bucky has just sucked his dick so good that Clint doesn’t remember how to string syllables into words, and all he wants to do is return the favor and make Bucky feel even a fraction of that pleasure. But after Clint came, all Bucky did was tuck him back into his shorts and turn on the Great British Bake Off and curl up next to Clint on the couch, head in Clint’s lap and body carefully angled out of reach, and Clint just has to accept that and wait for Bucky to feel ready.

So Clint watches people make tennis cakes as he strokes his fingers through Bucky’s short hair. There are a lot of danger zones, places on Bucky’s body that Clint absolutely will not touch without having a careful discussion, but his head is always a safe place for Clint to pet and so he does, lovingly running his fingers through his boyfriend’s hair.

Clint knows none of this is about him. He knows Bucky was struggling to feel comfortable and safe in his body long before he was around, and Bucky tells him all the time that this is the closest he’s ever let anyone get. So Clint honors that and respects that and lets Bucky set the pace, and he...waits.

And it’s fine. They’ve only been together a few months, and Clint still has plenty of his own demons that he’s only let Bucky catch the edges of. They’re both learning how to do this, and Clint doesn’t mind being patient, if that’s what it takes to get it right. Clint’s no good at relationships, always burns too hot and too bright, always gets too intense too soon, and then it sputters out to nothing. But this time, he can feel that there’s something special and sacred happening between the two of them. A tiny flame with nothing but their cupped hands to keep the wind from flickering it right out.

It’s scary to care about someone this much, to have this much faith in nebulous _somedays_ that he can’t actually control or predict. But he can’t help it. Clint is so, so gone for this boy. He’s always wanted to be in love, and now that he finally is, he’ll do whatever Bucky needs.

“Do you wanna stay over?” Clint murmurs, running his thumb along the shell of Bucky’s ear.

“I _want_ to,” Bucky says hesitantly, and Clint gets it. They’re not ready for that yet. Bucky’s not ready to be that vulnerable yet. He probably shouldn’t have even asked, but he just wants Bucky to know he’s all in, that whenever Bucky is ready to take a step forward, Clint is, too.

“It’s okay,” Clint says, trying to make this easy, trying to make it so Bucky doesn’t actually have to say no. “Another time.”

“Yeah,” Bucky says. He tucks his face into Clint’s thigh, and his words come out muffled. “Another time.”

Clint smiles as Bucky kisses him through the thin material of his athletic shorts, just warm, teasing pressure against his upper thigh.

“You’re gonna miss the show,” Clint says, thumbing over Bucky’s sharp cheekbones, trying to keep his voice even so he doesn’t betray just how desperately turned on he is from such a light touch. “I’m not rewinding for you.”

Bucky turns his head slightly to look up, and Clint’s cock twitches against Bucky’s cheek.

“You’re not watching, either,” Bucky murmurs. “You’re just watching me.”

And it’s true, of course, that Clint’s even more fucked than he is for following the show. Bucky’s listening to it at least, but Clint certainly can’t tear his eyes away from him long enough to read the closed captioning. It all just fades away into a background hum, and Clint bites his lip as Bucky pushes up his T-shirt, dragging his warm lips over Clint’s trembling stomach. Jesus, he’s so tender. Clint isn’t used to be treated this way. He keeps himself still, barely letting himself move to breathe, hand still loosely cupping Bucky’s cheek as Bucky kisses over his abs, chaste at first and then lingering, open-mouthed, tongue pressed hotly to Clint’s skin.

He _just came_ , for fuck’s sake.

“Your body is so fucking hot,” Bucky mutters, nosing through the light hair under Clint’s belly button, dragging his stubbled cheeks over Clint’s skin and making him gasp. “Christ, you’re fucking gorgeous.”

“Shit,” Clint says weakly, petting at Bucky’s neck. Bucky gets so intense about him, and there’s nothing to do but let him. Clint’s a sucker for adoration after so long without it, and he wants to give that back to Bucky, wants to pin him down and worship his body with his own hungry, dirty mouth, kissing filthy words into every last hidden corner of him until Bucky _gets it_ , until he finally believes that Clint is impossibly, unquestionably hot for him.

 _They’re not there yet_.

Clint’s panting by the time Bucky licks one last line over his stomach and then flops over onto his side to face the TV, smug look on his face. Clint strokes his fingers down Bucky’s face, tracing the shape of him, savoring the feel of his stubble under his sensitive fingertips. Bucky preens and smiles. He’s easy for having his beard fussed over, and at least Clint can always give him that.

“You’re gonna rewind, right?” Bucky asks innocently, and Clint rolls his eyes, but of course he does.

Bucky slides his right hand over Clint’s and holds their interlocked fingers against his chest. Clint thinks he can just make out the sturdy beat of Bucky’s heart as they watch the bakers make charlotte russe cakes.

After a few minutes, Bucky starts to move their hands, slowly sliding down his own body. Clint glances down and sees Bucky’s gaze fixed fiercely ahead, jaw tense, and he doesn’t say anything, looking back at the TV and giving Bucky space and privacy for whatever is about to happen.

Clint’s barely even expecting it when their joined hands slip beneath Bucky’s shirt, and he can’t help the soft “oh” he lets out when he feels the sudden warmth of Bucky’s bare stomach against his palm. Bucky takes a deep breath in and slowly lets it out, and Clint hears the sounds of it while he’s feeling the motions of Bucky’s body beneath his fingers. And then Bucky is slowly, slowly moving their hands, and Clint doesn’t resist, doesn’t rush, just lets Bucky move where he wants to go, whenever he’s ready. And they creep up his torso together, and Clint’s sure that neither of them is breathing at all.

And then, beneath his fingertips, fabric. And he knows that he’s touching Bucky’s binder, which he knows about but has never even seen before, let alone felt in his hands. And still, Bucky moves them higher, and his hand is trembling gently as he guides Clint’s palm over the subtle swell of his pec to the middle of his chest.

Clint’s heart is beating so hard he feels it in his teeth. No one has ever, ever trusted him with so much of themselves, and he’s terrified he’ll shatter under the weight of this moment.

After a minute that feels like an eternity, Bucky moves them again, inching across his chest, over his other pec, towards his left shoulder. Clint feels the armhole of his binder, then skin, then what must be scar tissue, and then Bucky hesitates.

“Okay,” Bucky says, and his voice sounds rough as he releases his grip on Clint’s hand. “That’s enough for one day, I think.”

Clint scrambles to take his hand out from Bucky’s shirt without touching him, to respect whatever limits Bucky wants to set. He gets his hand free and then carefully pulls down the hem of Bucky’s shirt, keeping him nice and covered and safe.

“Are you okay?” Clint asks softly. Bucky is still watching the show, or at least pretending to, and for a minute, he doesn’t say anything at all, and Clint’s heart drops. If he loses this because they tried too much, too fast, he’ll never forgive himself.

“I can’t sleep with it,” Bucky says after a minute. “But I can’t take it off in front of you. Not yet.”

“That’s fine,” Clint says as gently as he can. He runs his fingers over Bucky’s face, tracing his strong nose and his lush lower lip, touching every part of the face of the man he loves. “You don’t have to be ready right now. We’ll figure it out.”

And they will. Bucky’s only just started feeling comfortable removing his prosthetic arm around Clint, but Clint still hasn’t seen his scars or residual limb, and that will come, too. They have a lot to navigate together. Bucky has already been so vulnerable for Clint. Each one of these steps is huge, so much larger than Clint has the capacity to calculate. So it’s okay if they take these steps slowly. It’s okay to be careful and sure.

“Thanks for being patient with me,” Bucky whispers. “I’m sorry it’s taking me so long.”

“You have nothing to apologize for,” Clint murmurs. “You’re so fucking brave. Shit, I’m so fucking in love with you.”

Bucky’s sudden smile stretches so wide that Clint can see it even from this awkward angle. And then Bucky shoots up and clambers into Clint’s lap, wrapping his right arm tightly around Clint, hugging him fiercely.

“Thank you for being who you are,” Bucky says. “I love you so much. You have no idea. You have _no_ idea.”

And maybe he doesn’t. Maybe it’s impossible for Clint to understand what any of this means to Bucky. He’ll keep trying, though.

Bucky shifts in Clint’s lap, and then they’re kissing, soft and tender and unhurried. There’s no rush. They just take their time exploring one another, gentle and careful, like they have all the time in the world.

They need to move at Bucky’s pace, and Clint knows that. And he’s going to keep waiting for as long as it takes.

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr post](https://1000-directions.tumblr.com/post/638267585429962752/title-baby-im-your-man-link-ao3-pairing)


End file.
